By nature we are designed to work against the horse, and the use of our hands is no different. When we sit in the saddle we respond in fear by leaning forwards rather than sitting up taller or leaning slightly backwards.
This question is raised frequently – how to soften and flex a horse who is stiff in the neck. There is a problem with the question however, because it assumes that addressing the horse’s stiff neck will actually correct the stiffness. In reality, flexing the horse’s neck alone only causes a disconnection between the neck and the hind legs. If you do not understand the implications of this disconnection you can create more problems later on – making it difficult or impossible to get true collection from the horse.
I swear it’s hard-coded in our genes to respond to any hints we may be pulling or leaning on the reins with the shrill reply, “I’m NOT pulling!” In 20 years of riding I’ve shrieked that response more than once. It’s okay to admit making mistakes, it’s what we do with those difficult lessons that defines us, and please please please… learn to stop pulling on your horse’s mouth sooner than later!