There are a few key ingredients needed in order to successfully use Rollkur with your horse. None of these are directly related to the horse of course, but are essential to have established before you wander out and work with your horse. Please note, in no particular order…
- Forget about the idea that we are all connected and part of the same. Separate yourself from the horse as much as possible – building evidence to prove this always helps as well.
- Simple is not always better, instead you should work to complicate your life as much as possible. If it takes two turns to get from point A to point B, you should be able to add a minimum of 26 1/2 more changes of direction to get to the same destination.
- Physical strength defines your athletic prowess and ability, therefore you should work on doing *lots* of bicep curls. I’ve also heard that the rowing exercises can be of great benefit.
- Work as hard as possible to interrupt and in general ignore the return of conversation from the people around you. Silence them as quickly and efficiently as possible. If necessary, carry duct tape around in your back pocket and a length of rope.
- Practice using all of your limbs at the same time to distract, confuse and overstimulate every person and creature around you.
- Always have a personal radio handy, so you can blame any confusion over your actions on your need to ‘dance’ (since most lay-persons won’t understand the reference to a musical kur).
- Research whether it is possible to successfully grab someone on the butt and slap them across the face while having them in a choke-hold at the same time without any assistance from others.
- Practice making up excuses for your actions based on the premise that without them your life would be in constant danger because the world has been designed in such a way that it is nearly impossible to control otherwise.
Of course, none of this will do any good if you have no aspirations towards Dressage. But, if you prefer the western lifestyle, much of the above can be applied to most western disciplines with the help of a pair of draw reins or excessive flexion work and wha la! You have Western Rollkur!
